It never ceases to amaze me how predictable certain emotions are. Last week I started realizing how service-oriented this weekend would be, and started praying about my self-centeredness. My constant battle is how easily I become self-centered in the midst of serving others, which truly is my joy. We all experience this process; this is simply my manifestation: my flesh rages while I enjoy communion with the Spirit.
So, last week I was hammered with all sorts of temptations – selfishness, pride, self-pity, materialism – all hideous celebrations and worship of self. I wish I could say that I fought it all off, but I fell time and again. Grace, more grace!
So, coming out of this weekend – which was incredible, and I can only point to God giving me the endurance to get through – I got home after the praise service and emotionally crashed. Actually, I can point to the exact moment the crash happened: as I turned off of Lewisberg Pike onto Critz, the self-doubt and criticism started creeping in. By the time I pulled into the driveway, I was in full deep funk, so now I’m praying for faith to see the other side. By tomorrow, or at latest Tuesday, I’ll be back in normal spirits.
This happens almost every weekend. It’s like fighting the flu – my mind can only hold out so long, and pour myself out so much. Very much a Romans 7:20-8:4 time.